Week 7 - Cova 19 Isolation
I hit an emotional wall last week ... too much coming at me;
friends and family ill, more restrictions going into place, a family member who
seems clueless as to the Cova danger and their culpability, a dear friend
moving to Cleveland under very trying circumstances. I'm usually a positive
person ... who else would bury a seed several inches into the ground and expect
a beautiful plant to grow.
I'm
impacted by sun and lack of sun. After a week of delightful weather, we plunged
into a Kentucky Spring Winter. From sunny and 70's to overcast and 40's. My
disposition plunged with it - what's going to happen to nephews, who's jobs
depend on disposable income from corporations and individuals or our grandsons;
soon graduating from high school and college? A niece who graduates and wants
to work with exotic animals? The few people I feel confident about are the daughters/niece
who are teachers. Teachers will not only have a job - I'm thinking lots of
parents are going to have a newfound respect.
Then
I have other worries. Thursday, 18 people died in New Mexico and in the same
state; 20 Navaho died. I'm terrified what this will do to our population.
By
Friday, I was still deeply in my Poor Pitiful Me abyss. I’m not used to
being sidelined or feeling helpless. We isolated early because we were
returning from overseas.
While
in Portugal; I started worrying about Cova19. We were in a small town; I was
cautious but not alarmed. Then cousins in Italy told me what was happening to
them - I was relieved the time was near to go home. We flew to Madrid; had to
wait 24 hrs to get a flight to the states. By then I was in full panic mode.
Madrid crowds at the airport and in City Center were enormous. I was willing to
get on any flight heading to anywhere in the states. Friends (as well as my
husband) thought I was overreacting by immediately isolating.
I wish
I had been. Long story short; we were lucky. Cova19 exploded in Madrid 3 days
after we left. Fortunately, we remain safe.
Back to last Friday, even I couldn’t stand to be around myself –
despite my patient partner’s reassurances of “this too will pass; you’re fine;
no don’t notice you growling at me.” I started making lists … lists of - what
works, what’s not working, gratitude, what sets me off, what makes me happy,
and so on and so forth. What stood out was the very little sleep I’m getting –
either only 3-4 hours a night or restless through out the night. I wear a FitBit
watch and every morning I ignored the messages about lack of sleep. Reviewing
my lists, 1st I decided to change my evening routine; no watching “Grace and
Frankie” or stalking people on Facebook but reading, centering myself, deep
breathing. (I’m a little astounded as the past 3 nights I slept soundly – even tho
I bought a bottle of melatonin as a backup.)
I realize I like and need order – helter skelter doesn’t work for
me. The past weeks my attitude was “I can’t go anywhere; no one can come here;
so what if my floors don’t get vacuumed? I spilled some popcorn; so what? I don’t
Have To Do my stretches now; maybe I’ll do them this afternoon…or not.” I
thought I was having fun – Freedom Baby Freedom … do whatever I want whenever I
want.
Not healthy for me. Here’s next weeks goals:
1. Keep track of something,
allow flexability
2. Keep a routine, allow time
for order and a time for enjoyment
3. Celebrate the stuff that
matters
4. Embrace maudlin
5. Keep a journal; be brave
enough to share it
6. Use reading as a mood
adjuster
And when FitBit buzzes, indication I’ve been still for too long, I’m
getting up and moving.
And it just buzzed - ciao
